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Sunday, 15 April 2012

  • The Secret to Receiving Your Heart's Desires

    What does God mean when He says He will give His children the desires of their hearts? Does God really give us what we want--does He mean that all our dreams will come true?

    Psalm 10:17 "Lord, thou has heard the desire of the humble." Psalm 21:2 "Thou has given him his heart's desire." Psalm 145:16 "Thou ... satisfieth the desire of every living thing." v. 19 "He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him." Ps. 37:4 "Delight thyself in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Ps. 107:9 "For he satisfieth the longing soul." Pr. 10:24 "The desire of the righteous shall be granted."

    This is what God's word says. Is it true? Why does the Bible say God gives the righteous their heart's longings when we have so many unsatisfied desires and ungranted requests?

    In my search for truth, I asked my mentor about this. She explained that when our desires are under the Lordship of Christ, we will desire what He wants for us. True. But this did not completely explain why my mother died when Dad and all the rest of us wanted her to live. Our desire was surely under His Lordship, wasn't it? Time has shown me that God plans our lives in a sovereignty I can't always fathom at the present. He sees the end from the beginning--He sees the bigger picture. His plan involves many more people than ourselves and He is working everything out for a beautiful end.

    But all I see is the present. Why don't I get the things I desire? One day, I went on a walk with my friend Mary and asked her this question. She replied, "In my experience, I discovered I needed to come to a place of brokenness and surrender. I had to become totally neutral about God's plans for me. Then he could shape and change the desires of my heart." Aha. Brokenness. Neutrality about my will, my dreams, my plans, and my desires. As the lights came on in my mind, I realized it was all about asking, "God, what do you want me to do?" Instead of, "God, will you rubber-stamp the dreams of my heart--my plans for the future?"

    I've discovered life is all about delighting in God and not so much about the desire of my heart. When I focus on what I want, asking God for my dreams to come true, I often end up quite dissatisfied. However, when I delight in God and focus on Him, I find it's not all about what I want to do for God, but what God wants to do in and for and through me. My own desires become unimportant as I gaze into the face of God in adoration and worship. God's plans for me are all that matter.

    I don't think it's wrong to pray about future plans and dreams. But my will about those desires needs to be surrendered to God, and my desires dare not be the focus.

    When I live my life in worship to God, delighting in Him continually, He fills me with a desire to know Him more and more. In experiencing God, all my desires are truly met. Because He is what my heart truly longs for. In knowing Him my deepest needs are satisfied.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

  • meme

    I don't really know what a meme is ... maybe it's this questionnaire thingie I got tagged in by Dorcas Smucker and will attempt to answer.

    1. How long have you been blogging, and how often do you post?

    I don't know how long I've been blogging. Maybe 5 years?

    2. Have you had anything published, and if so, what and when?

    Since the time I was about 17, I've had various articles, stories, and poems published in various periodicals like Companions. I also wrote a book that was published about four years ago.

    3. Who is the author who best speaks your language and who you would most like to be like, in style and message?

    I am not sure. I love L.M. Montgomery, George MacDonald, Christmas Carol Kaufman, and other writers.

    4. What do you see as the unique message God has given you to share with the world ?

    Perhaps evangelism. Reaching out to the lost and even discipling/ encouraging fellow believers. Being a missionary wherever you are.

    5. Who or what has made you believe in yourself as a writer?

    My Dad always believed in me. When I was eight and I wrote my first story with all its misspellings and outrageous imagining, he wanted to send it to a publisher!

    6. Who or what has done the opposite?

    rejections, writer's block

    7. Besides blogging, what types of writing have you done? (journaling, poetry, news articles, letters, short stories, etc.)

    journalling, poetry, short stories, self-help articles ...

    8. Where would you like to be, writing-wise, in five years?

    I would like to have written another book.

    9. What would need to happen to move you from here to there?

    I need a ton of inspiration and encouragement and probably some determination and self-discipline.

    10. Any advice for beginning bloggers/writers?

    Don't let the rejections get you down, keep writing, keep practicing, keep trying to get your things published!

    11. Just for fun: what's a skill you have that almost no one knows about? (example: I know how to develop black and white film in a darkroom.)

    I think lots of people already know this, but I am an artist. I've painted an oil painting. I love drawing people. And I'd like to be an artist at a publishing house someday.


    Currently:
    ~warm and cozy and a little sleepy
    ~excited that I'll probably be employed by April!
    ~having fun helping out at school a little

Thursday, 26 January 2012

  • A Tribute to My Mother

    My mother left her bed of suffering and flew up to glory on the fourth of this month. Now she is dancing on the streets of gold, laughing and talking with her parents and all the African friends who preceded her, and singing in a voice of ten parts. I cannot begrudge her the perfect sublime joy she is experiencing even if ... I ... miss her.

    I was teaching school in Georgia just seven months ago, blissfully unaware of any impending catastrophe ... when we found out Mom had stage 4 cancer. The news just got worse and worse. Terminal! Oh what heartbreaking news! I was so close to my mother. I left for home a week before school let out ... moved back to Va ... and went through one of the most devastating times of my life, trying to accept what was happening to us. It was so hard to decide whether or not I should go to IGO. I had my ticket already. I paid my fees. But should I go? People were very free in expressing their opinions after I decided to go. "What should happen if your precious mother died while you are gone?" Sometimes one must step out on faith. Especially if there are issues with the visa. More especially if you have the support and blessing of both your parents. So I went, and I was not sorry for this.

    I had a wonderful time at IGO. Lots of people wondered how I could do this-- thinking, "Aren't you in a vale of despair?!" Asking me, "However can you concentrate on your studies with something so horrible looming in your horizon?" No, it was no vale of despair. The distance was good for me. I enjoyed life, I laughed, I sang, I danced. God blessed me with many wonderful friends. He taught me new things about Himself and missions and life. I learned to know Him in ways I never dreamed possible.

    I had my moments of sadness and fear, especially when Mom's health dipped so low we nearly lost her. Miracles happen, and she was restored to health--tenacious as it was.

    Then I came home. Dad picked me up at the airport, and on the way home, he broke the news to me ... how it really was. Mom was no longer able to do housework. Hospice was coming in regularly. She was on oxygen. Dad had accepted the fact that she would not be with us for long--I marveled at his calmness and cheerfulness even though this was devastating to him. And I tried to hide my shock when I gazed into Mom's swollen face, though I was overjoyed to see her again.

    The next three weeks were precious. Many people felt sorry for me, as though I were going through some horrible time in my life. But I was not to be pitied--I treasured this awesome privilege of caring for my mom, who had cared so long for me. It was a blessed time. No, it wasn't easy watching her get weaker and digress so alarmingly fast. It wasn't easy at all. But it was such a gift from God--those last three weeks.

    Then one morning she went to be with the Lord. She is free from her pain and suffering. No longer does she gasp for breath when she needs to walk somewhere. Her mind is clear. She is laughing. She is young and carefree.

    It blows my mind that she experiences no sorrow or worry or pain. How could she not miss us? How can she stroll the streets of heaven without Dad? How will we go on? By the grace of God.

    We are being upheld in angel's wings on the arms of many prayers. We don't suffer great inner pangs of anguish and sorrow. Sometimes we wonder if we are even facing up to reality. Grief ebbs and flows. More sadness may come later. We don't feel guilty for not feeling depressed and crying every minute of the day. We don't live under a cloud. We are happy and at peace.

    Today was a lovely day to dance with delight at the prospect of baking crusty loaves of whole wheat bread as Mom always did. Life is good. I laugh and party with my friends as she would want me to. I have good times with Dad and my brothers. God is good. He gives meaning in life no matter what its unexpected twists and turns it gives us. He pours into us so we can pour into others. And He has blessed me with a wonderful legacy from my mother--a godly woman--just like I want to be.

    Dial-up prevents me from uploading any photos, so I went through the ones of Mom I've already uploaded on my blog ... and here they are.

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    mom in a native's home

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    Mom in Canada

    mom & joe

    mom & Joe

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    Mom and TJ paint the deck

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    our family at Rachel's wedding

    home 001

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    how Mom loved African food! Even in America ...

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    Mom drinking her carrot juice ... a healthy ritual which helped her with cancer 6 years ago

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    helping Dorcas with wedding stuff

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    Mom's dear pug she called Buddy Davis after her favorite singer I love to think of Buddy and her walking through grass and flowers in heaven ...

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    Christmas time

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    Picture 014

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    With my Canadian aunts

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    one ancient family picture

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    with first grandchild

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    sand dunes in Colorado

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    visit to Kenya, the land she loved

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    the day we accidently locked ourselves out of the house after church (at 3:00 or so) and resorted to eating ice cream by hand ect. from the freezer ...

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    she loved the African babies ...

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    Mom & Dad take a boat ride at the ocean the last time we were in Mombasa, Kenya
















Monday, 05 December 2011

  • Trip to Turkey

    mosques

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    they used stones from the temple of Diana when they tore it down to build the city below.

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    reading the Bible story that goes along with the Ephesian ruins we were viewing

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    examining the intricately-woven Turkish rugs

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    the food there was amazing--here is my personal favorite--baklava--though I loved the Turkish coffee too

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    Abbreviated Team Journal
    Turkey Trip

    November 23, 2011

    We left the bus station around 9:00 and began our long bus ride. We remembered everything but the harmonica! Most of us did a lot of sleeping, which made the trip go faster. They didn’t stop for lunch until about 2:30 which made for a few hungry individuals, but we staved off our hunger in the meantime. On the way to the airport, we observed a lot of flooding, including ruined planes in the old airport. After we got there, we had to wait a while till we could check in our luggage. We hung out at Black Canyon for hours of deep discussion. After we checked in our bags, we still had another hour till boarding. The next flight went well, especially for those of us who slept the whole way.

    November 24, 2011

    We had a very nice flight; some of us slept the entire time. After we reached the airport we slept a lot too. The food was free with our flight vouchers. We enjoyed a Thanksgiving feast of chicken fingers and french fries. Then we boarded our next flight and enjoyed stimulating conversation. After we arrived in Istanbul, we were met by four individuals from America. We went to a hostel and enjoyed a long night of sound slumber.

    November 25, 2011

    We girls overslept, but awoke very refreshed. We walked outside into the biting cold and toured some mosques. The architecture was beautiful! The first mosque was the biggest one in the world until the 1600’s. It had been a Catholic church, then was converted into the mosque. After Justinian built it, he cried, “Oh Solomon, I have outdone thee!” It was built in six yeas by a team of 1,000 skilled workers and 10,000 unskilled workers. We had lunch at a ritzy restaurant. The food was out-of-this-world. First we had lentil soup and puffy pita bread, followed by salad. Then we were served a giant platter with pizza, cheesy bread, and kebobs with lamb, tomato, chicken, with rice and lettuce. We stopped by the hostel again and donned a few more layers. The out-of-doors suddenly became more inviting. Then we hiked to the Grand Bazaar, whereupon we began with one accord to get lost but always were found again. We enjoyed our shopping a lot. One of the guys bought a lovely tea set and I bought knives for my brothers. It was fun just looking at their wares. Then we went into a little tea shop where they were smoking water pipes. We had our own little room where the waiter came waltzing in with a tray full of apple tea without upsetting it despite his apparently haphazard moves. We enjoyed our tea with more Turkish delight. Then we headed back to the hostel. N_ talked about buying himself some cheesecake for his birthday, but he just passed it by. J_ went out afterwards and bought a delectable chocolate cake, funny ice cream with dried fruit in it, and pop. We waited till the boss was gone, then the receptionist let us have our party in the cafeteria. Afterwards we had a time of prayer, then went to our places of rest.

    November 26, 2011

    After team worship, our leader sent us out in groups of three to shop, get lunch, and talk to people. Two of our groups went to buy cell phones. While they were shopping, some of us chilled at a tea shop. P_ obtained a nice coffee spot on his nose when finishing off my sludgy coffee. After they’d joined us and had their tea, we split into our groups. My group went inside a mosque and watched people do ceremonial washing and pray. On the streets, lots of people wanted to talk to us, and we had a nice conversation with one friendly Turk. We got lunch at a fast-food place along the street, then stopped at an elite tea shop for baklava. All the groups met at three, after which we went with a friend to the Sapphire Building, a tall skyscraper. We went to the top and looked down over the city of Istanbul. It was very high and extremely frigid. Then we got to our friend's house after having walked for hours and had dinner with his wife. It was a lovely feast and they were very hospitable. We didn’t get back till after midnight and were mighty tired.

    November 27, 2011

    Sunday in Turkey and time to go to church! They were so friendly and welcoming. The service was very spontaneous and informal. We had corporate worship with singing and a lot of praying. Then we as a team sang a few songs, and our team members shared a testimony and a devotional. There was more worship, then they asked us to sing “There is beyond the azure blue” again. When the service was over we had pasta and pasta and more pasta. After we got back to the hostel, some of them decided to remain behind while the rest of us accompanied our leader to meet one of his friends on the Asian side of Istanbul. (We’d been staying on the European side.) The Asian side was far more modern--not so much old, ornate architecture. We crossed on a boat. We went to a shopping mall and had dinner with our leader's friend in the food court. It was loud and crowded, but we had a good time. The Turkish pizza is delectable. After we got back we had to leave almost right away. The clothes from the laundromat were still rather wet, but we packed the damp stuff in our suitcases and headed out the door after more apple tea. Our bus ride was very uncomfortable, but we slept all right considering it all.

    November 28, 2011

    When we arrived in Ephesus, we headed for our hotel. It had an antique look, was tiny, cute, and cold. Since we felt rather trashed and dirty, we freshened up as best we could in the tiny bathroom. We couldn’t check into our rooms till evening--the other people had not checked out yet. We spent the day sightseeing in Ephesus with a tour group. First we went to the ruins of the temple of Diana of the Ephesians. Only one tall pillar was left; the rest had been burned by the Crusaders. Then we went to a bunch of old ruins--the old Ephesian “parliament,” Turkish baths, houses, palaces, and finally, the theater. This was the amphitheater where they shouted “Great is Diana of the Ephesians” for hours. I could just picture Paul there, wanting to preach even though he would’ve been torn in pieces by the mob. Most of our group went down and sang.The acoustics were amazing. We stopped for lunch, then headed for place where they hand-wove Turkish rugs. The intricate patterns and the amount of time spent on one work of art were intriguing! The prices were created for the wealthy--defies imagination to consider so much time and money spent on something to walk on. We also went to a leather shop. They had a fashion show and then some of us tried on leather jackets. Lastly, we went to the Virgin Mary’s last abode according to a vision Catherine had. One wall was hung almost solid with a thick layer of notes--prayers to the Virgin Mary. They also had some “holy water” which was beneficial to help in economics, health, and finances. After we got back to the hotel, most of us went out to eat. Then we had praise and prayer in the lobby before retiring. We slept in icy, unheated rooms. I got up at 6:00 but I am not sure if they others froze in their beds or what, for they still have not appeared and it’s nearly 9:00.

    November 29, 2011

    We took a train to Izmir today. After we got there, it took a while till we found our hotel. It was very lovely compared to the other one, and we were grateful we’d have heat. Then we split into groups and roamed the streets and found people to talk to. Justin started talking to some men. Soon he had a whole circle of Turks surrounding him. Megan and I wandered over and found a lady to talk to. Then we went down to the pier and as found Nevin, Pat, and Jean talking to two old men. The men were delighted to talk to Americans and they took us out for tea. They thought we were the best thing since sliced bread! Justin, Megan and I went to the mall and looked around. We had supper together and a brief group wrap-up after that.

    November 30, 2011

    We took it easy until it was time to leave for the hot springs around noon. We wanted to arrive at the in time to see the sunset. However, our journey took longer than anticipated. We were tired and grumpy and the man at the hotel did all he could to get us to stay. He was very helpful, though, and took us to a restaurant they owned for supper. We walked around the hot springs a bit, disappointed not to have more time to see them. Then we bussed to Burdor and got a lovely hotel there. The day was slightly less than stellar.

    December 1, 2011

    Our last day in Turkey! We met with our leader's friend, the soft-spoken man with a lovely voice like “smooth dark chocolate." We went to see a cave, which was a lot of fun. We explored and took pictures and just enjoyed the day together. We girls had a splendid time going out for one last binge on baklava and turkish coffee/ tea. We were treated royally to free chocolates there. We girls shopped to our heart’s content, then met the rest of the team for supper. After supper we said good-bye to our friends and boarded the bus for our trip home! And a long, wearisome trip it was, though not really dreadful. What a wonderful experience--a trip to treasure always in our memories!





Saturday, 05 November 2011

  • Mission Trip to Pattaya

    For my second ministry trip, I went with a group of girls to minister in Pattaya, Thailand.

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    This is the group of us girls from IGO. We were joined by the Ransom girls on our trip.

    Pattaya is a very evil place, known for its prostitution. It is located on a scenic beach in a bay from the Pacific. In the midst of streets lined with bars, prostitutes, and ladyboys is Tamar Center. At Tamar Center they offer free English classes to the ladies from the bars. They also have devotionals at the English classes. Those who attend classes are offered an alternative way of making a living. They can come to Tamar Center and be employed in the hair salon, coffee shop, bakery, or making cards and jewelry. They are also given Bible classes and often come to know the Lord! Some of the staff from Tamar are ex-prostitutes who have been delivered and know how to minister to the hurting girls in the bars.

    I did more prayer walking in Pattaya than I'd ever done in my life at one time. Our team would have morning and evening prayer and sharing times, often with singing. We did a lot of prayer & worship with the Tamar staff. We did a lot of prayer walking and bar ministry (talking to the girls). It was a wonderful time of worship as I took my eyes off the evil around me and onto God!

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    This is our group with the Tamar staff and the girls who came to the party

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    Teresa and I make cards at the Tamar center

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    We took Vera and Heidi out for supper one night. Here is me with my coffee drink and my newly-straightened hair. They did a free hair spa on us one day to give practice to those who were in training. I never had such straight, silky hair in my life!

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    a girl at the slum ministries

    We had a wonderful time!

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